Lights Please

When you don't have all the answers but you feel you have been true

and the moments get you nearer to the world you wish was yours

don't forget that you were shaved-headed, crazy, wild, and loving

remember that people took you like hard liquor til they knew you

and most of all, the memories that stain your soul

good and bad and indifferent

have stood you here today

and lasted you long enough

to remind you not to forget

who

you

are

Amazing Experience with Qwest Operator

I hate Qwest. I have used them for years now out of no choice, really, because Cox is just ridiculously expensive, and even though it usually costs me several hours of customer service talk-time every couple of months, the price is right.

I got an email yesterday saying I owed Qwest $242. Impossible -- literally -- not possible. So I called. And I waited. And I held. And finally, I was helped by someone rad. Her name was Lequisha Johnstone. It's all too familiar for those who know me and know I worked in a credit card call center back in 2003. So the epitome is the experience I had itself... yet I was happily surprised and amazed by what Lequisha and I shared.

Lequisha told me that the error (too long a story) was on the part of UPS, and not on the part of Qwest. At first I didn't believe her because of my long and horrible history with Qwest. As she further explained, I came to realize Lequisha was right... fuck me... it WAS the fault of UPS.

Now for most, this would just be dribble. For me, it hits too close to home. Years ago, UPS fuct up a very important package. All kinds of shit hit me like a ton of bricks and I started crying. Lequisha asked, "Wassup gurl, why you cryin? Who you cryin fo?" I didn't have words. I told her my life story, the long version -- and she made time for it.

When I was done, she told me hers. Not too strangely, we had so much in common. We cried together, we prayed together (mind you this is a Qwest operator on paid time) and she told me I had made her day. When I asked how (because all I had done was tell her how difficult my past was making my present,) she said, "Because... (tears) today was a day when I was feelin' like nobody else could understand what I been through... I was feelin' (tears, both of us) like the man upstairs forgot to tap me and tell me it was time to be happy sometimes at least."

We talked for several more minutes until Lequisha had to get back to work (these convos are taped after all.) After taking my credit card info, Lequisha said, "Don't ever forget you the one in charge of you. If God forgets you, that's on his time. It's up to you to remember you. I'll be prayin' for you gurl."

And I returned the sentiments. And so it goes.

Thank you Qwest for providing me with such horrible service that I got to speak with Lequisha. God bless her and her family. I love you Lequisha!!!

Autumn Rain

I had a writing professor in college who asked us to write a poem and she forced us to use the title, "Autumn Rain" to see what we would do with a) a title everyone else was using, and b) a title that was so cliche that it sounded like something that would be in the diary of a 15-year-old stricken by the heartache of their first breakup.

I wish I could find mine. I remember thinking it was the shit, that I had somehow evaded the stupidity of the title. But who cares? Autumn Rain, Jesus. So the point I'd like to make is about labels (how cliche!)

No matter what labels people force upon your work, your creative enterprise, yourself as a person, as an individual, you can make their Autumn Rain your own by writing the poem yourself.

Yeah, they got to pen the title, but you get to pen the poem. And it might be the shit, or it might be shit, it's up to you.

So here's the challenge: write a poem entitled "Autumn Rain" and post it here or on your own blog and send me the link. I wanna see what all y'all come up with out of such a miserably cliche title. But above all, think about the title muthafuckaz have put on you and make it your own. Whatchu got to lose? 

NUTHIN'

Here's your [stupid!] inspiration:

Autumn Rain

meltdown central | it's all okay

omg, omg, omg. instead of oooommm, omg has been my mantra for the past several days. i work at home and have important clients -- hell, all my clients are important to me whether they're paying $400 a month or $2000 a month, you can't leave one behind because as with any other job, even if it's the one guy in Nowheresville, USA who just needs me to make sure his tweets are politically correct, if he has a bad experience with me it can reverberate across the universe.

so how do you reconcile the differences between what the priorities of your life are? i look into my daughter's eyes when she wants my attention, while i'm typing my ass off for a press release or a blog and think, hey there, little cookie, mama's doin' this for you! but lil' cookies don't understand the madness of making ends meet, and if it were up to me, they'd never have to.

but there it is, the truth. them bills gotsa be paid and no baby can do her homeworkz in the dark! she's too young to know now, and i'm thankful for that. jose has been working so hard it puts the dudes who put together the pyramids to shame. here we are though, and as Gloria Estefan would say, we're "coming out of the dark!" (i think i have to download that now so i can have a good cry -- a healthy cry.)

but i think i'll stick with Lil' Wayne and Bronson and T.I. on this one. Neither of the Duurty South stars know Bronson, but I know them all. Bottom line: it's all okay, it will all be okay, tell your story until it feels okay, help other people feel okay, surrender to not being okay when you don't feel okay, love life even when cockroaches are swarming across the floor.

and bottom-bottom line: it's all gonna be okay, even when it's completely not (easy for you to say... easy for you to say to say too... say it til you believe it, for the love of yourself muthafuckaz!)

Bronson says love your mom! (he really does say that)

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

nothing. don't like 'em. but what would i do for what i want? anything (well, just about.)

struggle. i believe more people have been struggling lately than normal. and the struggles have been harder. BUT... most of who i know who are experiencing such struggles are for the first time in their lives taking a look at why they're struggling. it's not been so easy for me, though i have done my damndest to make strides. and i have.

my daughter was stung by a bee. no reaction. 48 hours later her foot was the size of a potato. ER. drugs. pediatrician. then the health insurance said we weren't covered anymore... and then i wanted to snuff myself. after picking up three different drugs we were on our way to recovery. but now we have to have epi-pens everywhere in case it happens again. if you're not a person with severe, fatal allergies, you probably don't know that an epi-pen costs upwards of $100. fantastic!

so what's the point of all this? i don't know! just another struggle. life has done a couple of numbers on me -- on us all. but what is struggle for? you'd have to ask my sister Amber Diaz. she's the spiritual guru -- i'm just the street-fighting writer. that said, i see struggle as an opportunity... when i'm not feeling the struggle of the struggle, if that makes any sense.

my child is everything. if she gets stung by a bee again i'll call 911, pray, hope. to quote myself:

"She's potty trained, wearing underpants, and quite proud of herself. She'll be a solid person because that's how I'll raise her -- whether I'm working at Taco Bell or pulling in six figures freelancing. (...) She's why I do anything. She's why I do everything."

Epi-pens are my Klondike bars now.

what would i do for an epi-pen? You name it.

As for struggle, be it emotional, financial, spiritual, physical, or all of the above, i'm game. it's made me better.